Inspiration Of Motherhood: 4 ‘Dangerous’ Yet Crucial Things Every Parent Should Encourage


Michael S. Broder, Ph.D.

Click here to watch the TEDTalk that inspired this post.

I am a psychologist who works with adults, who are often very high achievers. So when I am asked if I see children in my practice, my routine tongue-in-cheek quip is, “only those in adult bodies.” More seriously, I’ve seen an extremely wide range of parenting results over my 38 years of clinical practice, ranging from outstanding to criminally horrific. Perhaps this is stating the obvious, but many parents either don’t realize or forget that the quality of the parenting we give our children is one of the crucial factors for determining how they will function throughout their entire lives.

Then comes what for most parents is the hard part – letting go and trusting that they will learn from their own mistakes, passions, uniqueness and psychological growing pains.— Michael S. Broder

Gever Tully’s excellent TED talk, “5 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Kids Do,” prompted me to share some psychological counterparts to his presentation, based on years of clinical observation–and even more importantly, my own life experiences–that you may consider instilling in your child:

• Proudly celebrate your uniqueness — It takes courage to resist the urge to blend in and surrender yourself to the safety of sameness. Your children are unique creatures with their very own talents, passions and areas of excellence. And letting their individuality guide them to what will become their inimitable contribution to themselves and their world is the most reliable ticket to a fulfilling life. However, being an individual often invites peer group scorn. And painful as this may be at the time, the cost of ignoring your destiny–aka the life you were born to live–is far greater. If you pressed me to name things I have regretted in my life, it would almost certainly be when I have taken the “safe” road and ignored my passions.

• Take risks — Prudent risk-taking is what builds emotional muscle. It’s always a nice feeling when people agree with your opinions, accept your invitation to the prom or enjoy your performance at the school play. But when they don’t, they have given you another gift, which is the opportunity to confirm that you can handle rejection. The same principle applies to failure. Of course, we should always strive to succeed. But failure at times is inevitable except for those who fear it so much that they don’t even try (which I would argue is failure by default!). Every wildly successful person I know can point to at least one major and often humiliating failure that became a valuable learning experience. Soon you will stop being governed by other people’s approval and the fear of rejection or failure. This is true strength or the emotional muscle, which will serve you throughout life with your career, relationships and anything else that’s important to you.

• Stand up to bullies — In my work with high achievers, one thing practically all of them have in common is the refusal to be pushed around and negated by those who see you as easy prey. While bullying sometimes rises to a level where adult intervention is necessary, I am concerned that the pendulum may have swung too far, resulting in overprotection of children when it comes to their standing up to peers. At the ripe old age of 4 ½, I was sent to overnight camp for the summer and was the youngest in my bunk by almost 2 years. I was picked on mercilessly. Not knowing what else to do, I fought back and learned that summer what most bullies have in common–that when stood up to, they fold like cheap cameras!

• Question rules that don’t make sense — Part of growing up is about learning respect for authority. But it’s also about learning how to think outside the box. These are not incompatible tasks! Almost without exception, those who have most changed the world have turned some deeply held form of conventional wisdom on its head. Where did they learn to do this? The lucky ones point to their parents. But the others had to find some other mentor or shoulder it themselves, often feeling quite alone in the process.

It’s been said that good parenting is the ultimate balancing act. We need to protect our children in an age appropriate way; early on by insuring their physical safety, then by setting limits and teaching them the basic rules of living in a civilized society. Then comes what for most parents is the hard part–letting go (while certainly maintaining your availability) and trusting that they will learn from their own mistakes, passions, uniqueness and psychological growing pains. But by pulling this off, you’ve put your children on track to be the very best they can be!

Michael S. Broder, Ph.D. is a renowned psychologist, executive coach, bestselling author and popular speaker. He is an acclaimed expert in cognitive behavioral therapy, specializing in high achievers and relationship issues. His work centers on bringing about major change in the shortest time possible. Dr. Broder’s latest book is Stage Climbing: The Shortest Path to Your Highest Potential.

Ideas are not set in stone. When exposed to thoughtful people, they morph and adapt into their most potent form. TEDWeekends will highlight some of today’s most intriguing ideas and allow them to develop in real time through your voice! Tweet #TEDWeekends to share your perspective or email to learn about future weekend’s ideas to contribute as a writer.

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Inspiration Of Motherhood


Inspiration Of Motherhood: Tick Tock Goes the Biological Clock


Literally, Darling

Online magazine for twenty-something women

By Erin Russell

I somehow missed the gene that makes people think babies are cute. I hate to say it, but yes — probably even your baby. It might be an only child thing, a lack of experience, but it has always been present. When I was tiny and my mother would ask me if I wanted a little brother or sister, my shrieked dissent broke decibel ordinances. I believe one of my main concerns was present-sharing.

I did not grow out of it like everyone said I would — things only got worse as I got older. As a teenager, I saw babies as slimy, drooling, germ-infested blobs that were not even house trained, for chrissakes. They always seemed wet from at least one orifice. In my 20s, I learned of the horrific things they do to the female body: Placentas, greasiness, defecating during labor, and of course, tearing in THAT region were not rituals that I wanted to be a part of.

And yet, when I reached my late 20s, I realized I needed a baby and started panicking about completing the requisite steps to get there ASAP.

As far as I know, I am the last Russell. For all intents and purposes my family consists of my mother, my father, and me. Currently, I am the only one with breeding capability, so continuing the line falls squarely on my shoulders. Given how — and I am being unbiased here — utterly fabulous I have turned out, I feel that these genes need to be replicated for the good of mankind. In addition, there is value in keeping the name going: my father’s family includes the second-runner-up Miss Iowa and a math genius. I have been adamant since a young age that I would not only keep my last name, but make my husband take mine. (I’m not sure if this was a feminist thing or an only child thing, but I did have a point.) However, it’s not pressure from my family or suddenly unlocking hidden maternal genes that have made me more keenly aware of my need to have babies. Though the 35-or-bust deadline is looming in the distance, my aging eggs are not the driving force for this feeling. Yes, I feel like I am racing against a clock, but it’s a bit more complicated than that.

In the last few years, there have been a lot of changes in my life. Your 20s are a time of change, and they trick you into thinking adulthood will be fun. At first you get to do great and exciting things, like drink alcohol, go to clubs, freely traverse foreign lands, and have cereal for dinner every night, but then BAM: All of a sudden, you’re comparing car insurance quotes, scrubbing your toilet, and finding spider veins.

It’s also a time when you may realize just how brilliant your parents are. I am independent to the point of fault, so after I finished college I struck out for California. My parents had to institute a mandatory weekly call, which I thought was a chore until I crossed an ocean into Italy. Having their support logistically limited while I was abroad was a huge part of what made me start to truly cherish their company. Trust me when I say nothing makes you miss your parents more than Christmas by yourself in a foreign country, with MTV blaring in a language you barely understand while you watch the clock slowly tick off the minutes until the misery of the stupid day is over.

After going through the post-teenager realization that my parents actually have worthwhile advice, my mother has navigated me throughout countless boyfriend, job, and health insurance issues, while my dad can tell me how to fix anything and provides comic, yet poignant, relief when I am going through tough times. Phone communication quickly became insufficient, and I recently moved back to be closer to these wonderful people.

Unfortunately, in your 20s, your parents start to get older. I recently had to cut short a leisurely stroll with my mother because she felt dizzy and sick in 80-degree weather. Her arthritis has twisted her hands into gnarled, swollen lumps, and she complains that she looks old in pictures. My father, who swims every day and has never gained a pound in his life, is on medication for high blood pressure. He used to have a workshop filled with car parts and wood, but a hernia and shoulder injuries keep his Shopsmith under the dust cloth. You will see that these problems you associated with old people are happening to your parents. Your friends’ parents may start to die. You wonder how you can possibly thank them for everything they’ve done for you, how you can make them happy. And you start to think, “Well, I want them to be able to meet their grandchild.”

The biggest tick of my biological clock, the pivotal event in my relationship with my parents, came from someone else’s. I had a half-Dominican boyfriend in Italy, and I had the honor of being the first girlfriend to meet his beloved mother when she was there. Within 10 minutes of me walking in the door to meet her for the first time, she asked my boyfriend when we would give her grandchildren. At 25, we both guffawed.

Six months later she was dead. He had gone to visit her in the Dominican Republic; on the way home from taking him to the airport she was killed in a car crash. I was the one who met her only son, and we had laughed at the idea of grandbabies, the only thing she had wanted and that now she would never have.

Shortly after, I began to make arrangements to move home.

While my parents are the reason that I now worry about having a baby, they have not once mentioned the matter to me. My urgency stems from both wanting to give something to people who have so selflessly loved me, and wanting to share my parents with someone else, someone who’s related to them. I want my child to have happy memories of a grandmother spoiling them rotten, because I know that’s exactly what my mother would do. My father would dust off the Shopsmith and meticulously build a tiny bookcase that my mother would then stuff with treasures. So yes, I still shudder involuntarily when someone says the word “pregnant” and most of the time I see babies as poop machines that may or may not throw up on you. But gradually they have started to look cuter to me as I see them as the continuation of a family, and I imagine the joy of my parents seeing their blood, my baby. Plus, I am terrified to go through it without them.

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Inspiration Of Motherhood: Me? I Am Supposed To Teach My Girls About Boys?


Pamela Kripke

Journalist, Teacher

I began the conversation early.

“Listen, there will be male people in the nursery,” I warned, the moment her beanie-clad head hit my bosom. “You may be placed next to them. Do not worry. Just do not look, no matter what they do. And they will do things. They will attempt tricks. They will make noises. But remember, whatever you do, do not look. You look, you’re sunk.”

Some might say that I could have waited until we were wheeled out of the operating room and lifted off of the gurney, or at least until the stitches were removed from the six-mile incision across my lower abdomen, but I thought differently, having birthed a daughter, a daughter who would one day encounter boys. Knowledge is power, I knew, as a nurse removed the shower cap from my head.

In light of my success with males up until that November day in 1995 and, I should say, following it, I feel a certain concern, okay, terror and penetrating dread regarding the notion that I am the wizard who will steer my daughters through the choppy seas of romance. I, a girl who spent most of her adolescence and well, adulthood, hiding in broom closets or diving into running taxis as if from a political uprising, must now impart advice into the brains of impressionable little women. How can a person with such a clear and calamitous resume guide the process of love? How can someone who failed the class teach the course?

Naturally, I want my girls to grow up and find the most wonderful mates, yes I do, despite the trail of testosterone in my history. I am not lying, really. Boys are okay, I think. Or at least, two boys are okay. We only need two.

For the past 15 years, we have been continuing the chat that began under anesthesia at Beth Israel Hospital in Boston. I realized a while back, oh, at some party in a really white and poufy dress, that I would need to rely on theory, not personal example. Please, do not make the choices I made, make the choices I would make now, the ones you don’t actually see. Make those.

Following a few too many traumas, and other circumstances described in a recent post, I decided to slip off the relationship train for an undefined period of time, feeling the need for peace and contemplation, the kind you do by yourself. During these years, yes, years, it has become painfully apparent that my teaching method would have to be conceptual. I would invent scenarios about bliss and mutual respect. I would dream up boy characters with, well, character and the ability to fold. I would use books. And films. Films are good. Around age eleven, though, my kids began to notice the absence in my curriculum of true-life illustrations, of tales in which I actually participated. They started to demand specifics.

Ultimately, one asked the obvious question. “Mommy, have you ever had a good experience with a boy? I mean, something that wasn’t a catastrophe?”

Ah, that. “That is a viable question,” I said, “and well-formulated. Very good.”

“Mom, that is not answering the question.”

“Yes, it is not, you are right,” I said. “Well, sure. To answer your question, sure, I have had non-catastrophic experiences with boys. Of course I have.”

“Name one.”

“Okay. So, just to get it straight, you mean name something that did not include any sort of mortification or law enforcement official? You mean something like that?”


“Okay, sure, I have had one of those.”


“Truly. Just give me a sec.”

And so it went.

“You are like a movie,” she said. “Real people don’t make boys drive into highway overpasses, on purpose.”

As if she knew.

What I know, now, is that my imperfect true-life tales have turned out to be much more instructive than the fictionalized ones ever could have been. Following the public revelation of my boy sabbatical, thoughtful friends have come forward with gentle encouragement and understanding. One, though, has done no such thing. She has come forward with zero-tolerance and the goods to back it up, in the form of boys. Lots of them. I must say I feel a bit like a released convict, re-entering a society full of confusing electronic devices. The rules of dating have changed while I lay sleeping, and, crazily, or naturally, guidance has come full circle.

“Mom, if you closed down the restaurant, you need to call him,” said my 15 year old.

“I don’t call boys,” I answered.

“Ridiculous!” exclaimed my other daughter, just fourteen, and breathless after an impromptu rap and dance performance. “Live with no regrets, baby!”

I offer a first draft, struck by her message. She had no idea how much.

“Are you crazy? You can’t say that,” they say in tandem.

“What, then?”

“Say this.”

“Can you type it? I can’t make capitals.”

She spelled it out and asked if I was ready. I nodded, squeezed my eyes shut, and she pressed the button. It was no big deal to either of them, to step up and take an emotional risk. It was phenomenal, really, to witness the ease, the confidence. Despite my fears about the potential effects of divorce, they have emerged as strong young women whom I can emulate. Whom anybody can emulate. Whether the absence of another man during a certain period of time, or my wacky stories, or their genes and brains and hearts are to credit, they are on a solid path, and I am not worried.

As for the boy who was lucky enough to have received our message, it would be lovely if he were to reply favorably. For now, I put the thought in my pocket, dazzled by how far we three girls have come.

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Inspiration Of Motherhood


Inspiration Of Motherhood: 5 Inspirational Mothers Who Chose Life for Children With Down Syndrome


Courtney O’Brien

Ninety percent of unborn babies diagnosed with Down Syndrome are aborted. That’s not a typo — 90 percent. This distressing statistic makes the following mothers even more remarkable for choosing life for their beautiful children who just happen to have an extra chromosome.

Mayumi Mitogawa, 52, Japan

From Japan Times, on her 14-year-old son, Yutaka:

“He just loves to make people laugh,” Mitogawa said, smiling affectionately at her son — who was born with trisomy 21, which causes Down syndrome — as he fooled around mimicking the motions of famous Japanese comedians. “I know that some people refer to children with Down syndrome as angels, but I don’t see my son like that. He is just human.”

Catherine Moore, 19, Great Britain

From The Daily Mail:

A teenager who became the youngest mother in Britain to a Down’s Syndrome baby after falling pregnant aged 15 has spoken of her pride in proving her doubters wrong.

Despite being just a child herself, single teen mother Catherine Moore, now 19, refused to give her baby up after learning he had Down’s Syndrome, vowing to raise him herself despite concerns that she wouldn’t cope.

He needed me and I needed him, it was as simple as that. I could never be without him and he is quite simply the most wonderful thing ever to happen to me, he really is.

I hate it when people say they are sorry he has Down’s because I am not. It’s who Tyler is and I would not change him for the world. I’m so glad I had a Down’s baby.”

Cassy Fiano, 20s, North Carolina

Fiano has a beautiful little boy named Wyatt, whose condition she barely notices. She offers advice to other parents who may have learned their child will have an extra chromosome, via LifeNews:

The good news is that having a baby with Down syndrome is nearly identical to having a baby without it. Having a baby with Down syndrome means that you’ll have lots of sleepless nights, crying, poopy diapers, and maybe the occasional spit-up. You’ll also have snuggles, cute little gummy smiles, and that great feeling when they hold your hand. Down syndrome doesn’t mean you’ve somehow given birth to a three-headed space alien which needs some kind of insane level of care. He’s still just a baby. Feed him, love him, and snuggle him. That’s all you have to do. And that’s not that difficult, is it?

Connie Feda, 49, Pennsylvania

Feda, inspired by her daughter, created her own line of Down Syndrome dolls. Her Dolls For Downs project is now a full-time occupation. From The Daily Mail:

Connie Feda, 49, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, set about making a mini-me version of her youngest child, Hannah, after she complained that none of the dolls in a toy catalog looked like her.

And she told the<href=”#slide=2195252″> Huffington Post: ‘I want Hannah to see a doll with Down Syndrome and see something beautiful, because that’s what I see when I look at her.

Dr. Lalita Joshi, Nepal


In 2006 Lalita founded the Down Syndrome Association of Nepal (DSAN). Lalita says that “If every child matters, every child has the right to a good start in life. If every child matters, every child has the right to be included. And that is so important for children with special needs.” DSAN’s vision is a Nepal where children with Down Syndrome can grow up to be independent, based on their capabilities, and be respected and productive members of society.

These brave mothers are proof that an extra chromosome just means extra love.

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Mothers & Daughters


By Kim Seabrooks

The mother- daughter relationship can be tricky. So many mothers and daughters have a poor relationship with each other. This article discusses the top twelve reasons of why the mother- daughter relationship is so difficult and what you can do about it.

#1: You’re waiting for something to happen, but you’re not doing anything to make it happen.

Make the first move! Don’t wait for the other person; do it yourself! If you just wait and wait for your relationship to get better, nothing will happen, and you’ll always be waiting. Take some initiative and call your mother or daughter! Have lunch, talk, just do something!

#2: Maybe you need to change.

It’s easy for us to think that we’re perfect, but sometimes we’re the ones that need to change. Even if you can’t change the other person, you can change yourself. You can change your actions and also your responses. This alone can change your relationship—if your mother or daughter sees that you have changed, they may be inspired to do so also.

#3: Your expectations are unrealistic.

You have to keep your expectations realistic. If you don’t, no matter how much progress you’ve made in your relationship, it will never seem good enough. Accept each other for who you are and go with it from there. Life’s not a fairy tale, so don’t expect it to be like one!

#4: You’re not communicating.

One of the main reasons for poor mother- daughter relationships is poor communication. Voice your concerns, but do it in a loving, respectful manner. Say what you need to say, but do it kindly. This will do great things for your relationship! You’ll feel better that what you needed to say is off your chest, and you’ll also grow closer because you’ll know each other’s thoughts and feelings.

#5: You’re not listening.

Listening is an integral part in any kind of relationship, so it’s really no surprise that it’s important in a mother- daughter relationship. Listen to what you’re mother or daughter has to say, then respond in a way that makes the other feel like they’ve been listened to and are being heard. Also, don’t just listen to the words; listen to the way the words are being said. The way words are said is often the real messaging being put across.

#6: You’re not trying to fix your problems soon enough.

You’re going to get in some fights and have some disagreements. It’s inevitable. However, don’t let these issues fester! Get them resolved as soon as possible so they don’t turn into bigger issues! This is an area that affects all types of relationships—not just mother- daughter relationships. If you can’t get your issues resolved, you’re not going to have a good relationship with anybody.

#7: You’re not being considerate.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you like to be treated the way you’re treating them? You can say and do the exact same things but do it in a nice way that doesn’t hurt the other. Instead of saying, “Stop calling me, mother! You know I’m busy!” when she calls you three times throughout the week to see if you’re free for lunch, say, “Thanks for wanting to spend time with me, but I’m really busy this week. Maybe next week?” You can get the same message across but in a way that you would like someone to say it to you.

#8: You’re not forgiving!

No body’s perfect. People are going to hurt you at times—it’s just part of life. If you want to keep people in your life and have strong, healthy relationships, you’re going to need to learn how to forgive. You can’t remember and dwell on every single, little wrong thing that someone has ever done to you. Get over it. People mess up. Forgive them so the both of you can move on with your lives. Chances are you’ve done people wrong in the past too, and need them to forgive you!

#9: Your relationship isn’t balanced.

You and your mother or daughter need to balance your individuality and closeness. You need to figure out how to be your own person and still have a good relationship. Sometimes in the mother- daughter relationship, the mother has a hard time understanding that her daughter is an adult, and this could cause her to seem a bit bossy and demanding. Sometimes the daughter forgets that even though she’s an adult, she should still respect her mother. Remember who you are, who the other person in the relationship is, and respect that.

#10: You just need to agree to disagree.

Sometimes you’ll come to a disagreement and simply not be able to agree. Instead of letting the disagreement turn into to an argument, just agree to disagree. Respect each other’s opinions, and end the discussion. It really doesn’t matter who “wins” the argument—especially when winning is at the cost of your relationship.

#11: You dwell on the past.

This goes hand- in- hand with forgiving. You can’t dwell on the past and stay mad at your mother or daughter for things that have happened long ago. People aren’t perfect, and sometimes they’ll do things that hurt you. Try to focus on what they’re doing now. Maybe now they’re trying really hard to make the relationship better, maybe they’re trying to make up for their past actions. Focus on that—everything else is irrelevant.

#12: You’re not saying what you think you’re saying.

If a mother says to her daughter, “You’re going down the wrong path with this guy! You need to…”, all the daughter is going to hear is an attack on her. The mother could get across the message by saying, “I feel that it’s in your best interest to…” Make hard conversations like these more personal by saying “I” and “me”—your words will sound less like an attack.

In this article, I’ve discussed several aspects of the mother- daughter relationship. Now that you know and understand these reasons that the mother- daughter relationship can be so difficult, you can recognize these issues in your own mother- daughter relationship and try to fix them. I hope this article has been helpful to you and will give you the tools you need to be able to improve your relationship with your mother or daughter!



Inspiration Of Motherhood: Sophie Blackall


Behind every brilliant innovator is an equally inspirational mother. Some are the ultimate cheerleader, like one chef’s mother who sneaked into a restaurant’s kitchen just to see her daughter make pastries. Others put their money where their mouth is, like an entrepreneur’s mother who remortgaged their home to finance his first invention. Still others lead by example, such as a mother whose moments of quiet introspection inspired the creative process for her Grammy Award-winning daughter. In both small and profound ways, all mothers empower their children to change the world. Captured within this collection of images, we’ve uncovered the lesser-known stories of the mothers who created cultural visionaries.

llustrator and Author

Sophie Blackall’s Chinese ink and watercolor illustrations are immediately recognizable for their unique combination of elegance and whimsy. A generation of children is now growing up being charmed by the more than 25 children’s books she has illustrated, including best-selling series Ivy and Bean. And adults have been equally charmed by her blog-inspired book Missed Connections: Love, Lost & Found, which captures fleeting moments between strangers, and is also the theme of a beloved subway poster commissioned by the MTA Arts for Transit program.

On being a mother:

“Just as my mother taught me, I have tried to teach my children to use their hands and open their eyes. To retain their natural curiosity and look for details and appreciate the absurd. In return, they inspire me to no end with the things they notice and respond to, funny, sad, beautiful, and strange alike, and the things they make, cakes and rabbit houses and overflowing sketchbooks. My daughter, Olive, is coming with me to India this spring to see an immunization campaign with UNICEF and the Measles & Rubella Initiative. I am so looking forward to sharing this experience with her and to comparing and sorting and processing all that we see.”

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Inspiration Of Motherhood: North West


North West has made her adorable debut!

Proud papa Kanye West unveiled the first photograph of his and Kim Kardashian‘s daughter since she was born on June 15, providing a candid shot to the public on the Kris Jenner Show Friday.

“To stop all the noise, I thought it’d be really cool, on her grandmother’s season finale, to bring a picture of North,” West said after clarifying they “have not attempted to get paid” for the image.

The photograph, shot by West himself, features Kim holding their 10-week-old daughter, who is reaching toward the camera.

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Inspiration Of Motherhood


By Kimberly Seabrooks

To Work or Not to Work: The View of Working Mothers

Being a mother is difficult, especially when it comes to the finances. It seems there is no right answer. If you work, you’re condemned as a bad mother. If you don’t work, you’re condemned for scrounging off the state. At least, that’s what it seems. What is the real view of working mothers?

The Majority of Moms Support Working Mothers

The truth is that the majority of moms will support working mothers; even the stay-at-home mums support it. They understand the financial need to get back into the workplace. They also understand that working is needed to keep skills up to date. Those who tend to look down are jealous that they don’t have the same opportunities.

The View from Employers

This is where it becomes tricky. While employers can’t discriminate against working mothers, they may have their reservations. It isn’t because a working mother can’t do her job. It’s because of the unplanned days off that a mother may need to take. A child may be sick or the school may be closed for the day. It causes a problem for the business and it’s understandable.

However, this view is only for working mothers; not for working fathers. It seems that there is still that one-sided view that women should be at home looking after children. The truth is that men may have to take the same time out of work if something happens to their child!

How the Rest of the Population View Working Mothers

It’s a mixed view from the rest of the population. Most are happy that these mothers are making their own money instead of claiming benefits but there is also the pressure on childcare. The issue isn’t the fact that the mothers are working but that the government is doing more to help them. Child benefit has become means tested for the first time since its introduction after World War Two and there is state help for working parents for childcare. Stay-at-home parents and people without children start to view this as a double standard.

Working mothers are become more widely accepted in the world. People understand that mothers need to return to work for the finances. The negative views are really on the government for creating a double standard and from employers who are worried about problems with their business.

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