Women’s News: 5 People To Forgive Before The Year Ends

By Amy Shearn

There’s plenty that can drop off your to-do list. Here is what cannot: letting go of unproductive anger.

Yvette, Of Yvette’s

There is no rage like bad-haircut rage. You tried to be specific, you tried to be clear, but Yvette only snapped her gum and frowned at your request for “no color, no layers, no products… just a cut.” And when the cut was revealed in the mirror… layers. Tons of layers. It’s maddening to be ignored. It’s frustrating to feel that money has not been well spent. But remember that you were able to fix the choppy Rachel-from-Friendsatrocity yourself with the help of sharp scissors and a YouTube video; and that in a few weeks your hair looked fine. The pain was not a lasting one; Yvette wasn’t trying to ruin your life. You do not need to flame her on Yelp; i.e., keep spreading the bad feeling around. You do need to find a new place to get your hair cut.

Your Privileged Friend

We all have that friend. You know the one. She didn’t seem different when you two first met and hit it off. She didn’t seem different when she was shopping for her first home and complaining about the high prices everywhere. Then she bought a house with a pool, in a gated community, and you thought, “Wait a minute here, but she’s a yoga teacher… Ohhhhh, she is secretly rich.” Oh sure, you could get all Occupy Friendship about it and nurture resentment about her lack of student loans, her all-family cruises, the way she drops your entire monthly entertainment budget on one night of drinks. And yet, it’s not her fault that she was born into money while other people were not. Think about it: Is she an unbearable snob? Is she terribly superficial? Probably not, or you never would have become friends with her in the first place. Do her checks from Mom and Dad somehow siphon away your own savings? No, no they do not. You are allowed exactly 15 seconds of self-pity every time she announces some lavish expenditure she doesn’t realize is a lavish expenditure. After that, your resentment is just impoverishing your friendship. And no one can afford to do that.

The Tomato Tyrant

Being part of a local organization like a PTA, neighborhood advisory board or community garden is a wonderful way to connect with your neighbors, acquire new skills and learn all about the many different and exciting ways there are to be eccentric. For example, the gardener who has been tilling the shared soil at the community garden since 1903 and has no time for newbies like yours truly. “Sure, put your pots over there in the sun,” such a fellow grunted at me when I asked if a space was free. “They’ll be dead by July, anyway.” I felt like he’d reached out and pinched me. This person surely did not mean any harm. Of course, it never seems this way at the time, and I assumed he was simply being cruel. Writer and teacher Jennifer Pastiloff has a great post about taking things personally on her site, The Manifest-Station, in which she writes, “I want to have lived. Having said that, I want to decide what gets my goat. I want to decide what makes me fall on the floor in a heap and I’ll be damned if it’s going to be someone asking me if I am pregnant because I look fat in a photograph.” People will say insensitive things every day of our lives. The good news is, we get to decide what we do and don’t obsess over. PS: July came, eventually, and guess what? My pots resembled dioramas of the Sahara. The seasoned gardener had been right all along — they were too much in the sun, literally — only I was too touchy to take his comment in the manner it was intended.The poor seedlings might have flourished, over in the shady corner instead. Sigh. Tomato Tyrant, you are forgiven.

The Boss Who Should Have Been You

Oh, the new boss. You didn’t love him when he was the new assistant. You didn’t love him when he was your co-worker. And then he went and got the promotion you thought should have been yours. You have the right to be angry. But resenting him costs energy and won’t make you feel better. Perhaps it’s even more important to remember that he didn’t promotehimself. Maybe this is a wake-up call: The higher-ups don’t appreciate you, and it’s time to channel frustration about that into a job search.

Your Future Self

This one is the hardest of all: Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself not just for what has happened in the past, but for all the things that will happen in the year ahead. Look, unless you happen to be, say, Kate Middleton, it’s likely that you haven’t been perfect this year. You weren’t patient every minute, you weren’t generous at every chance, you were sometimes lacking in courage and occasionally, unkind. You haven’t done everything you wanted to do. But that’s okay. You are trying. And you will continue to make mistakes in the future. And that will be okay, too. So make an ambitious life list. Plan wonderful things. And preforgive yourself for the missteps you are bound to make, the times you will balk, the interactions in which you will be grumpy, the chances you may fail to take, the opportunities you will miss, the times you will fail spectacularly. The times you will fail mundanely. The frustrations you will take out on others, on yourself. Forgive yourself, so that you can try great new things. Make your own confidence possible.

Read More:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/13/how-to-forgive-let-go-of-anger_n_4234129.html?utm_hp_ref=own&ir=OWN

Women’s News: Iyanla Vanzant: 4 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

By Iyanla Vanzant

Q: How do I stop comparing myself with others?

1. Get clear about you.
A sense of self lets you see others’ successes and become better, not bitter. List words that describe you: smart, strong, kind; mother, friend, visionary. Value yourself and you won’t want to be like anyone else.

2. Seek meaning, not approval.
When you spend your life chasing recognition, you can also expect to spend it worrying about who’s passing you by. If you work to advance your dreams, your place in the pecking order ceases to matter.

3. Know that everyone has her own strengths.
Our parents told us, “Sit up straight like your brother. Clean your room like your sister.” The result? We learned to measure what we do by what others have done. But that isn’t useful when every individual has unique gifts.

4. Emulate what works.
When someone does something well, assess what made her succeed and figure out ways to incorporate those traits in your own life. If that’s possible, great! If not, refer to #1—and keep doing you.

Read More:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others_n_4284400.html?utm_hp_ref=own&ir=OWN

A Message From The Creator

A Message From The Creator

Women’s News: Sarah Silverman Says ‘Women Run Comedy’ — And We Believe Her

Sarah Silverman is tired of female comedians being defined solely by their gender and especially tired of being asked the same questions about being a woman in comedy by every member of the media that interviews her. Last week, a Vulture reporter finally gave her an opportunity to say so.

Known for her rather raunchy and often controversial comedy, Silverman rarely uses a filter in her stand-up routines. Her satirical performances address every taboo subject under the sun including — but definitely not limited to — sexism, racism and religion.

When Silverman sat down with Vulture to discuss her new HBO special“We Are Miracles,” Jesse David Fox asked the comedian about her comedic style, the James Franco Roast and whether there’s “any value in being asked about being a female comedian.” We were pleasantly surprised with her articulate and meaningful response:

What I say to that, and I don’t mean this to shame you, because I think the question being asked lets this come to light, but to me the last relic of the whole “women in comedy” issue is that interview question. That’s like the last thing left of it. I mean, women run comedy. I mean, it’s Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and Chelsea Handler. Women run comedy. Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy. Women have had to be undeniable in order to come to light, and they have, so there’s a real force now. It’s an undeniable force. Is anyone better at hosting awards shows than Amy and Tina? I mean, it’s nothing. All that’s left is that question that is always, always, always asked. I’m glad you asked, because then I get to say that.

Read More:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/sarah-silverman-women-run-comedy_n_4343300.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women

Women’s Health:Questions About Aging That You’re Too Embarrassed (Or Afraid) To Ask

By Corrie Pikul

We asked these top doctors to explain some of the less-than-awesome surprises of getting older.

Q. Argh, facial hair! Is there any way to get rid of it? 
A. Many women are at some point plagued by errant hairs on their chin or upper lip, says Ranella Hirsch, MD, past president of the American Society of Cosmetic Dermatology and Aesthetic Surgery. The growth can be exacerbated by age-related hormonal fluctuations—but just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it isn’t unsettling. Hirsch says that the most cost-efficient treatment is a surgical laser that targets the melanin (which is what makes the hair darker). Shaving is another option, and Hirsch says razoring off the offenders won’t cause them to grow back coarser (despite what you may have heard). You can also use tweezers, but you risk causing an ingrown hair if you don’t wait until the hairs are long enough, and that method can test the patience of the magnifying-glass obsessed. For those with a low pain tolerance, Hirsch suggests threading, in which a trained specialist pulls individual hairs out by the root. No matter which method you choose, the hair will eventually return. However, you can slow the regrowth with the prescription cream eflornithine (the brand name is Vaniqa), which interferes with an enzyme in the follicle.

Q. I’m thinking about Whoopi Goldberg all the time now….So, really, what are my options if I have that “little spritz” when I cough or do jumping jacks? 
A. Pads may help you feel more comfortable, but stress incontinence is curable, says Melissa R. Kaufman, MD, PhD, a urologist, surgeon and an assistant professor of at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee. Docs like Kaufman often refer patients to a women’s health physical therapist, who can give them exercises to strengthen pelvic floor muscles, a diet and exercise plan to lose the extra weight that may be putting pressure on the bladder and urethra, and advice like cutting back on caffeine and emptying the bladder more frequently. Surgery is a more invasive option. The sling procedure involves using strips of the body’s tissue or a synthetic mesh material to create a supportive hammock around the bladder neck and urethra. Kaufman is also part of a clinical trial of a new procedure that involves taking cells from a patient’s thigh and implanting them in the urethra to rejuvenate and strengthen the tissues. (For more information, or to see if you’re eligible to participate, seeresearchsui.com.)

Q. I love the idea of sex with my husband, but the experience is…eh…somewhere on the comfort scale between a tooth cleaning and a leg wax. What’s going on? 
A. This is a near-universal question from menopausal women (and those going through perimenopause) who suddenly feel itching, burning or pain during sex, says Kaufman. If you’ve ruled out a urinary tract infection, these symptoms could be due to something called atrophic vaginitis. As the body loses estrogen with age, the lining of the vagina starts to thin, and the tissues become red and irritated. Although regular sex helps keep the vaginal tissues healthy, it can also have the opposite effect and make the pain worse. “I’ll see an older male patient come into the urologist’s office asking for Viagra, and his wife will be in the next room telling me about how painful sex has become,” Kaufman says. Typical treatments include vaginal moisturizers, lubricants (silicone tends to last longer than water-based) and topical estrogen creams.

Q. Why do I suddenly need to know where my water bottle is every five seconds? 
A. In the same way that roller-coasting hormone levels contribute to vaginal dryness, they can also lead to a decrease of salivary fluids in the mouth, explains Sally Cram, DDS, a periodontist in Washington, D.C. Antihistamines, decongestants, pain medications and antidepressants can make things worse. Cram says a lack of mineral-rich, teeth-strengthening saliva allows bacteria to proliferate, which causes halitosis, gum inflammation, periodontal disease and, in extreme cases, the loss of teeth. So keep flossing daily, brushing twice a day and getting a cleaning every year or so. Your dentist can also recommend oral moisturizers with artificial saliva.

Q. What happened to my face? 
A. As we age, we can lose fat and tissue in our face, says Hirsch. “Patients will tell me that they think they look gaunt, even though they feel fine. But when we look at photos of them from when they were younger, we’ll often notice a loss of volume in the temple,” says Hirsch. She’s lately been addressing the issue in-office with soft-tissue fillers. For a less-invasive solution, Hirsch suggests drugstore products that claim to “plump” the tissue around the eye area with hyaluronic acid.

Q. Why am I having trouble reaching my top shelves?
A. Starting around age 40, height declines by about half an inch per decade, says John Whyte, MD, chief medical expert at the Discovery Channel and the author of Is This Normal? The Essential Guide to Middle Age and Beyond. The disks get compressed with age, and the curve of the spine starts to bend. Whyte says that shrinkage is compounded by osteoporosis. Getting enough calcium, doing weight-bearing exercises, and even regular yoga have been shown to help forestall bone loss—and maybe help you keep a few inches.

Q. When did I become this delicate thing that bruises at the slightest touch?
A. Hirsch explains that age makes your blood vessels more fragile, and so does tissue damage due to sun exposure (as if we needed another reminder to wear sunscreen). Blood thinners like baby aspirin, which many doctors prescribe for older patients to take daily, can also make the vessels even more vulnerable. So you’ll not only bruise more easily, but the spots may appear darker. The good news is that this type of discoloration is benign and may clear up over a few weeks or months. The bad news is that there’s nothing you can really do to make it fade faster, and in some cases, it doesn’t fade at all.

Q. Why do I suddenly feel like the Wicked Witch of the West?
A. This question is also known as “Wait—is that a wart on my neck?” It’s likely not. Skin tags are small flesh-colored polyps, and while you may start noticing them in your thirties, 60 percent of people have some by the time they are 70, says Isaac M. Neuhaus, MD, assistant professor of dermatology at the University of California in San Francisco. Scientists don’t know exactly what causes them, but they tend to appear in areas where there’s a lot of friction, like the armpits, the neck, and underneath the breasts (they also run in families, and are associated with large gains in weight). Neuhaus reassures that they’re benign, but if they bother you, a dermatologist can snip them off with surgical scissors or freeze or burn them off. The procedure is fast and mostly painless.

Q. Is there really nothing we can do to stop breasts from losing their oomph? 
A. It’s not a bad idea to wear a supportive bra while jogging, but there’s no medically proven way to prevent the ligaments from stretching with age, says Ellen S. Marmur, MD, vice chair of cosmetic and dermatologic surgery at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York. Even surgical augmentation is temporary; Marmur says that most women don’t realize that implants usually need to be replaced after a decade. What’s more, she says, “the skin on top of the implants can also sag, and I’ve had women come in with nipples pointing down.” These patients often opt for a skin lift when they have their implants replaced.

Read More:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/questions-about-aging-embarrassing-health-questions_n_4100775.html?utm_hp_ref=womens-health

A Message From The Creator

Happy Thanksgiving!

Women’s News: 10 Women We’re Grateful For This Thanksgiving

The Huffington Post  |  By Nina Bahadur

Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday to reflect on the things — or people — you’re grateful for.

This year, we’d like to mark Turkey Day by celebrating some of the incredible women who have made an impact over the last 12 months. Here are 10 women we are especially thankful for in 2013:

1. Wendy Davis

The Texas State Senator made headlines in June when she held an 11-hour filibuster in an attempt to to block Senate Bill 5, which introduced harsh new abortion restrictions. Her dedication to women’s reproductive issues — and those iconic pink sneakers — warmed our hearts and made us feel more politically energized than we had in months. Davis will also be running for Governor of Texas in 2014. We’re also hoping a movie of her life story — featuring Connie Britton, of course — is in the works.
2. Edie Windsor

After Windsor’s partner of over 40 years Thea Spyer passed away in 2009LINK, Windsor was asked to pay $363,053 in federal state taxes when inheriting Spyer’s estate. Windsor was not legally recognized as Spyer’s spouse — despite the fact that the two had married in Canada in 2007. Windsor took her case all the way to the Supreme Court, and in June 2013, the court ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was unconstitutional.

“One of the things I felt did not have to do with the money but had to do with … with my country is not giving dignity to this beautiful person I lived with,” Windsor told ABC News after the ruling. “And today, my country gave dignity and appreciated who she was.”

Honoring the woman she loved and taking on the U.S. government? Badass.

3. Malala Yousafzai

The 16-year-old survived an October 2012 assassination attempt after speaking out against the Taliban’s practice of banning girls from school, and has become an activist for women ‘s education. This amazing young woman has furthered her cause by speaking in front of the United Nations on Malala Day 2013, meeting with Queen Elizabeth II and the Obamas, and writing a memoir. We find her resilience and dedication to helping others truly inspiring.
4. Sheryl Sandberg

“Lean In” has become such a crucial part of the national dialogue about women and work that it’s hard to believe the book only came out in March 2013. Sandberg’s book is smart, well-researched and peppered with personal anecdotes about her own professional and personal journeys. Though Sandberg’s advice isn’t one-size-fits-all, women of all career fields and personal circumstances have something to learn from her and the question, “what would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
5. Mindy Kaling

We’re grateful that someone as hilarious and outspoken as Mindy Kaling exists in the world. The creator and star of “The Mindy Project,” who is one of the only women of color heading a TV show, has been outspoken on issues like body image and women in comedy. And when Lena Dunham interviewed Kaling for Rookie: Yearbook Two, we loved hearing what inspires Kaling about other women:

I love women who are bosses and who don’t constantly worry about what their employees think of them. I love women who don’t ask, “Is that OK?” after everything they say. I love when women are courageous in the face of unthinkable circumstances, like my mother when she was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. Or like Gabrielle Giffords writing editorials for the New York Times about the cowardice of Congress regarding gun laws and using phrases like “mark my words” like she is Clint Eastwood. How many women say stuff like that? I love mothers who teach their children that listening is often better than talking. I love obedient daughters who absorb everything — being perceptive can be more important than being expressive. I love women who love sex and realize that sexual experience doesn’t have to be the source of their art. I love women who love sex and can write about it in thoughtful, creative ways that don’t exploit them, as many other people will use sex to exploit them. I love women who know how to wear menswear.

6. Deb Cohan

Before going into surgery for a double mastectomy this November, the OB/GYN and mother of two asked her medical team to participate in a flash mob to the Beyonce song “Get Me Bodied.” Cohan’s response to her very personal health crisis was incredibly uplifting — and brought more awareness to a disease affecting 1 in 8 American women. Could she be more amazing?
7. Gloria Steinem

We appreciate Gloria Steinem every year, but she’s been particularly awesome in 2013. Remember when she was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom — and then wore the giant medallion on CNN? Or when she schooled us all on the Miley Cyrus VMAs controversy? Or whenFemale Force released a 33-page comic book about her life? Gloria, you’re a national hero.
8. Shonda Rhimes

The rise and rise of the “Scandal” and “Grey’s Anatomy” writer, director and producer is nothing but good news. Rhimes has brought us incredibly complex female characters like Olivia Pope and Miranda Bailey, as well as what is arguably the most amazing female friendship on television in the form of Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang.

Rhimes is also an admirably fearless woman. During a Nov. 7 NPR interview, she shared how she refused to change her vision even when TV executives were critical of her writing:

I remember having an early discussion at ABC with people who no longer work at the network before “Grey’s” was picked up, where I was sort of brought into a room and a bunch of older guys told me that nobody was going to watch a show about a woman who had casual sex and threw a guy out the night before her first day of work, that that was completely unrealistic and nobody wanted to know that woman. And I remember sort of sitting in that meeting and thinking, “Wow, they don’t know anything that’s going on in the world right now.”

 
9. Laverne Cox

The “Orange Is The New Black” star and transgender rights activist is currently the only transgender actress playing a series regular on television.

“As a trans woman of color, I’ve often looked for my story in the media and I haven’t seen it,” Cox told OUT Magazine when she was named one of the 100 most influential gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people of 2013. “Or I’ve seen sensationalized, exploitative images of trans women of color, where they’ve been the victim of a crime. It’s wonderful to have this very human story about this trans woman that people are really connecting with.”

Cox does amazing work both as an actress and an activist. We can’t wait to see more from her on both fronts.
10. Melissa Tapper Goldman

Tapper Goldman is the creator of the documentary “Subjectified: Nine Young Women Talk About Sex” and the accompanying storytelling blog,Do Tell. “Do Tell is making space for conversations that couldn’t otherwise exist,” Tapper Goldman told the Huffington Post in a November 2013 interview. “I’m already seeing that with the submissions that capture people’s painful experiences as well as their pleasure and joy.”

We seriously applaud Tapper Goldman for making spaces for women to talk about sex openly and without judgment — and all the women willing to share their stories and experiences.

Read More:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/women-were-grateful-for-thanksgiving_n_4303438.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women

A Message From The Creator